It is hard to believe that a visit to our hole in the ground that used to be our home could make me happy but today it did.

It gets dark now around 4:30 pm. We have had a lot of couldy days which adds to the sense of dark. It is not like when we lived in Alaska or even Upstate New York but it is enough dark for me. I have an internal battle with myself from December to February. I am working, look up around 3 and think “It will be dark soon, I should go out. I will hurry up and finish this little bit of work and the we can go.” The little bit of work takes more than a little bit. It is getting darker and darker. By 4 pm I have fallen fully into the bottomless pit of winter darkness lallygagging.

So, today as the sun was departing I suddenly found out I needed to go get photographs of our foundation hole. We are working on land conservation and it is not  going all that well right now since we have had, here in the desert, weeks of precipitation. Snow, rain, and snane–the sloggy, sloppy mix rain that is freezing and fat snow drops that are not freezing. All of this contributes to the creation of mud which is viscus and moves.

I jumped up from the desk and Sophie shot out from under the desk like she had come out of a cannon. I am not sure what happened to make her interpret, correctly. that this time when I stood up from my desk chair it meant I was going somewhere.

Off we went. She loves the Subaru. She is one happy dog watching the world go by from the back right side of Subaru. Sometimes I wonder what she is watching so intently. Today it was going home. She figured right off where we were headed. When I started to make the turn onto our road she stood up and started making whimpering noises that were both happy and sad at the same time. She was quivering with happy by the time we were in what remains of the driveway. I had her 40 ft lead and while I took photos she checked everything in the 40 ft perimeter. She was happy and I was happy but I had not yet realized it.

After taking the photos we walked down the road hoping to see some of our neighbors. We did not but we were able to see their houses coming along. I am so happy that our neighbors are going to be able to go home soon. We are close to getting sorted now so the progress they are making makes me happy, not frustrated or sad. I don’t know when we are going to start but it won’t be for weeks now. The agreement has been made and after living with a ticking clock behing me for months now I actually feel relieved that I don’t have to as quietly frantic about it as I have been for months.  I think finally giving into the fact that we are not going to make it this winter was freeing and I could be happier about getting ready to build as soon as the ground thaw in Feb or March.We can make better plans and learn more about working togehter letting us hit the ground running.

Today Sophie and I found happiness at a hole in the ground that was not doing well, 36 degrees with a biting wet wind, and near dark. I was glad to be home even if for a little while.